Have you ever felt that you weren’t good enough, weren’t smart enough, to be doing whatever it is you are doing – whether it be a job, schooling, parenting, etc.? Have you ever worried, constantly, that someday somebody would figure you out, would find you that you are a phony and undeserving of all that you have achieved? Sure, you may be smart or hard-working, but maybe you feel that you are lacking in something that you believe others think you have, and you are worried that if they discover that you don’t have this they will think of you as a phony. If you have ever felt this then you have been a victim of what is known as Imposter Syndrome.
I know this isn’t a new topic. In fact, I read stories about Imposter Syndrome all the time here, here, and here for example. And while I have read so many articles about it I feel that this is a really important topic for career women to discuss. Not only does this so-called Imposter Syndrome make women feel unworthy of their success, but in my opinion, it holds some women back from the success they could be achieving if they didn’t feel this way.
SO WHAT EXACTLY IS THIS IMPOSTER SYNDROME?
Think about Imposter Syndrome as that bully at school or the mean older sibling that tells you that you are a loser, fat, ugly, and stupid. No matter what you do and how much you achieve that bully is always there pulling you down, telling you that you are worthless. And in return, that bully, no matter how hard you try, eventually makes you think those things about yourself. You end up feeling that all of your success has come about as a matter of luck and not because of your hard work or knowledge. You are unable to actually stand up and say, Yes, I deserve this success.
What Are Some Symptoms Of Those Who Experience Imposter Syndrome?
1. Downplaying your accomplishments (saying that they are successful because of other people or because of pure luck, not because of you);
2. Being afraid to speak up and take credit for something;
3. Thinking that your success is not well-deserved;
4. Fearing that people will discover that you are not as smart or deserving as they perceive you to be;
5. Telling yourself, constantly, that you don’t deserve the success you have achieved;
6. Always comparing yourself to others and wishing you were more like them and less like yourself;
7. Feeling as if everyone else other than yourself has all the answers and knows more than you do;
8. Being afraid to step out of your comfort zone or take on a great opportunity;
9. A feeling that you have fooled others into believing that you are smart and knowledgable; or
10. Setting low expectations for yourself to avoid failure.
OVERCOMING IMPOSTER SYNDROME
While I am no expert on this topic, I do think there are various ways to battle your inner demons and grab ahold of your unbearable anxieties. Here are some of my tips:
1. Recognize That Others Really Aren’t Thinking About You
We all have a tendency to assume that others are really thinking of us, focusing on us, when the truth is that they aren’t at all. Have you ever had someone tell you that they thought you were making fun of them or ignoring them when the fact of the matter is that you weren’t even really thinking about them? While it is hard to assume that others are thinking about you, because in some ways we want others to be thinking about us, just take a look and think about how closely you really think about others. Do you spend your entire day focused on how other people have been handed success or are too stupid to be working in a particular job? Probably not, and if you do you may need some more excitement in your life.
2. Understand That Your Fear Is Just Your Way Of Protecting Yourself From Failure
We all want to protect ourselves from anything that could come along and make us feel bad about ourselves, and the Imposter Syndrome is one way to prepare yourself for any failure that may come your way. There are people out there (the glass half empty people) that always assume the worst, and in the end they say that they are better prepared for the worst when things don’t go their way. While this may help some cope with the failures that come knocking, relentlessly, at their door, do you really want to be a glass-half-empty type of person? Do you want to spend all of your energy preparing yourself for the worst when you could be living in and celebrating the best of times?
Sometimes I am a negative person and focus on what will go wrong, but when you achieve something you shouldn’t be focusing on what others may perceive of you or what they may (or may not) find out. While I know this is the very battle that those with Imposter Syndrome are working to overcome, try to recognize that these feelings – the feeling that you are not good enough – is your body’s way of preparing you for the worst.
3. Choose To Focus Your Energy Elsewhere
I know this may be hard, but try to push those inner demons aside when they try to tell you that you aren’t good enough and focus your attention on other things – like getting that project completed, making your client happy, writing your book, or whatever it is you are doing. If you try to tell the demon within you that you won’t give it any of your time, then eventually it will go away.
4. Recognize That Your Aren’t Perfect
Usually people who suffer from Imposter Syndrome have unrealistic expectations of the successes they should have and are often referred to as perfectionists. Do you know someone like this or are you like this? If so you probably have times of extreme self-doubt and feel inadequate, am I right? What I am here to tell you that this is ok. It is ok to feel self-doubt and to have times where you are unsure, and if you do that doesn’t mean that you are not smart enough or hard-working enough to have achieved everything that you have. Recognizing that you are not perfect should be your first step to overcoming Imposter Syndrome.
5. Share Your Feelings With Other Females
Chances are if you are a working woman who has achieved some success that at some point in time or another you have doubted yourself and wondered whether you really deserved it. While it may feel like something you have to deal with on your own, it isn’t. The truth is that there are tons of women out there who feel this way. Just try asking some of your successful female friends whether they have ever felt this way and discuss your feelings with them. They may give you some perspective on how to handle your anxieties and overcome your fears. I mean, what are friends for, right?
6. Wake Up Every Morning Saying Something Great About Yourself
I know this sounds sort of silly, but the more you tell yourself that you are great, talented, smart, nice, a good friend, etc, the more you will believe it. Try leaving yourself a note the night before to wake up to the in the morning. Maybe create a jar with tons of good things to think about yourself and pull one out every morning and say it out loud and believe it. Cut out magazine quotes, book quotes, or other inspirational quotes and frame them in your office, your bathroom, or wherever you feel your most vulnerable. Do whatever it takes to encourage yourself to think highly of yourself and your achievements.
ARE YOU A SUCCESSFUL WOMEN THAT IS PLAGUED WITH IMPOSTER SYNDROME? HOW HAVE YOU COPED?
Resources:
http://www.magpie-girl.com/20091102/the-imposter-syndrome-diagnosis-and-treatment/
http://overcomingimpostersyndrome.com/
http://www.forbes.com/sites/bonniemarcus/2012/03/19/why-cant-we-just-be-real-overcoming-the-imposter-syndrome/
http://www.forbes.com/2010/02/22/imposter-syndrome-professional-fraud-forbes-woman-leadership-psychology.html
Tags: anxiety, Career Advice, Career Success, Dealing with imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome, self-doubt, success